Links of the Day: Credit Cards

OK, Dad said I was being slack on my job of finding ugly sites and squawking about them. He said that I wouldn’t get any more bananas until I turned in a new report. I picked ‘credit cards’ as my topic today.

As you may know, credit cards are a good way to put bananas in the pockets of rich bankers while taking a substantial amount of bananas out of your pocket. My Dad listens to Dave Ramsey on the radio and Dave explains how this works against you pretty well on his web site in this article: The Truth About Credit Card Debt. If you don’t want to be owing a lot of bananas to the bank, listen to what Dave says.

Here’s an interesting and very good PBS Frontline show on credit cards, Secret History of the Credit Card. PBS always has the prettiest sites and you can watch the video of this show online. It’s well worth watching since it will let you know how credit card companies reel you in. It’s enough to make you really squawk bloody murder!

Lastly, you can, if you’re smart, make money online with credit cards. Some Canadian guy named ‘Griz’ explains about how to do this with Credit Cards Make Money Online on his ugly Blogger blog. Well, yeah, an ugly blog like that really inspires trust. He should get a pretty site like the PBS one and explain to people how that’s done. Otherwise people won’t take him seriously.

OK, Dad, I’ve done my post. Two pretty ones and one ugly one. How about some bananas now?

Commission Blueprint Review

It seems that there’s a new Internet Marketing package out called Commission Blueprint that everybody and their nest mates are trying to sell to you via fake ‘reviews’ and the like. Well, I’m going to tell my dad to save his bananas based on this Commission Blueprint Review by Splork of Lost Ball in High Weeds.

Splork calls ‘em like he sees ‘em and his review takes on the whole silly ugly Internet Marketing sales page thing to task. He skewers the fake testimonials, the fake robo-sales agent that offers you $10 off before you leave, the excessive number of people buying ads and doing SEO to get high placement in Google search. Splork’s cynical take on the whole Internet Marketing Guru Sales Machine is a funny read. I almost regurgitated my orange pellets through my nasal cavity!

I asked my dad about Commission Blueprint and, while he hasn’t bought it and doesn’t plan to, his opinion is that it looks like another in a long series of regurgitated material on using Google Adwords to make money selling Clickbank products. With a little research you can dig up virtually the same info for free on various blogs and forums. Why spend $77 for something that you can get for free? Do like Splork says and save your bananas for something else. Maybe something like pre-owned domains or even a nice bunch of bananas for an important family member (hint hint!).

Where’s the Scuttle Documentation?

My ‘Dad’ experienced a bit of frustration last night while trying to install Scuttle, the open source social bookmarking script, on one of his domains. It was quite a learning experience for him and me. He learned a few things about Scuttle and I learned a few new interesting phrases straight from Dad’s Marine vocabulary. I’ll save those for the next time the ‘Grandparents’ visit.

Anyhoo, Dad asked me to pass along a few hints on my blog about Scuttle, the lack of Scuttle Documentation and so forth. He said I needed to make myself useful if I wanted some fresh bananas.

The first trick is in the config.inc.php file. You have to make sure that you enter your correct database information. That means the full database name, as in [username]_[database name], otherwise you’ll get a 500 server error and start cussin’ like my Dad did. You can also change the name of the site from plain old ‘Scuttle’ to something you like, such as ‘Banana Bookmarks’.

Another change you may want to make in the Scuttle config file is to have your links followed. They’re nofollowed by default which means they don’t pass Google link juice. If you make them followed this can give a boost to sites listed in your Scuttle bookmarks. My Dad says that’s one of the main reasons to have a Scuttle site.

Now, this is really what got my Dad in a pissed off mood. Once he got Scuttle installed right he added some bookmarks. However, these links did not show on the front page, the index page, of the site. Even though there were links available Scuttle said, “No bookmarks available.” That’s when I learned a few new phrases! As it turns out there is a subtle bug in the query for the index page of a Scuttle site. This bug causes the query to not return any data until the next day. So, be patient, eat a banana, don’t cuss or panic, just wait and your links will be on the front index page shortly.

One last little hint I’ll pass along. You’ll want to delete or rename your Scuttle site’s register.php file. Otherwise every spammer in the universe will come to visit your Scuttle site using automated tools like Bookmarking Demon and jam pack your database with links to all sorts of nasty sites. You can add your and any of your friend’s registrations in before you do this or add them in from your database’s control panel.

OK, that should earn me a tasty banana and maybe some grapes. If you have any Scuttle questions, ask me in a comment and I’ll pass them along to my Dad when he’s in a better mood.

Some Things To Squawk About

I have a few things to squawk about today. First of all, this silly little blog got awarded a PR4 by Google while my ‘Dad’s buying guide blog got demoted down to PR3. Hah, Hah! Uh, oh. Daddy is in a bad mood. Darn orange pellets again and no bananas.

Oh well, while I’m munching on these orange pellets let’s see what else I can find. If you want an ugly, and I mean UGLY, WordPress theme Justin over at SEO Zombie has you covered. Check out this hidious creation: Zombie Sniper SEO WordPress Theme. It does look like something somebody dug up. Ick! It’s supposed to be designed to encourage stupid humans to click on ads. Even a macaw like me knows enough to use an ad blocker, geez! Silly humans!

Over at pecannelog there’s this funny mention about the rapper Andre 3000 not tipping. The waiter is now selling the signed receipt on eBay. I guess they’ll get their tip that way. I can’t blame Andre 3000 for not tipping though. I need a vegan diet myself and the service I get is pretty poor as compared to the carnivirous cats who live in this house too.

For those of you who’re like me and sit around in a cage all day, you might like this observation by Kevin, The Stupidity of the Announced Corporate Visit. I usually get my cage cleaned before we have important visitors. How often do you have to clean your cage?

That’s enough blogging for today. I’m going to see how far out of my cage I can fling the rest of my orange pellets.

About Macaws

Some people have asked about macaws, what we like to eat, why we behave the way we do and so forth and so on. So, instead of entertaining you with more stupid human Internet tricks I thought I’d do a Macaw Q&A session.

Q1. Why Don’t You Like Orange Pellets?

A1. Two reasons. First of all, the color is unappealing. Us macaws see more shades of color than you humans. Something that looks fine to your puny eyes looks putrid to us. You see, my wild brethren have to spot tasty fresh fruit from miles away while keeping an eye out for predators, namely you humans and big snakes. This means we have excellent 360 degree vision, not to mention a very discerning eye. Second reason, they taste awful as compared to bananas.

Q2: Why Do You Like Bananas So Much?

A2: Because they taste good! I also like other fruits as well, such as grapes and cherries, but bananas are my favorite.

Q3: Do Macaws Bite?

A3: Stick your finger a little closer to my beak and find out.

Q4: Do Macaws Live to be 100 Years Old?

A4: Perhaps, but, like with humans, it’s rare. We are subject to disease and old age just like humans as they get older, but we don’t have the level of medical care humans do. With proper care and a little luck and maybe just the right amount of bananas, a macaw can live to be between 50 and 70 years old. I was hatched in 2000 so I’m still a spring chicken.

Q5: Can You Talk?

A5: Yes, and I can type too. Macaws do talk but we aren’t refined speakers like an African Gray Parrot or some Amazon parrots. We get excited easy and will lapse into pure macaw-ese squawking quickly. I have a vocabulary of about 30 words but I only use 10 of them regularly. I’ll bet you can guess one that starts with ‘B’.

Q6: Are Macaws Endangered In The Wild?

Q6: Yes, they are. Some species are more endangered than others. Blue and Gold macaws like me are still quite common but other macaw species are facing extinction. This is primarily due to deforestation and illegal pet trade.

I was hatched right here in the USA as were my parents, grandparents and great-grandparents. I’ve been around people all my life, from the moment of my hatching, so I could never live in the wild safely. I would be 100% clueless. However, wild parrots are still grabbed in the wild which is bad, not to mention illegal. If you want to put up with a macaw or any other parrot as a pet, make sure that you buy one from a reputable breeder who hand raises them.

That’s all I have time for right now. If you have any questions about what it is like to be a macaw’s human, please feel free to ask.

Links of the Day: Fun Stuff

Even macaws have to laugh. In fact, we’re a pretty funny species. One of my favorite jokes is to bite a human on the finger, say “Ow!” and then have a big laugh about it. Dull humans rarely see the humor in this though. I have no idea why they don’t. Anyhoo here are some fun things I found while munching on some orange pellets.

Have you ever wanted to be an Evil Overlord? This site gives you some important tips becoming one based on avoiding the standard movie cliches.

Now here’s something that’s unintentionally funny, my thoughts for the day. Some people take themselves waaaay too seriously. Pretty site but the content is laughable, especially the adversion to capital letters.

Google is the king of search, right? This post, 5 Weird And Hilarious Google Search Results, takes a look at a few unintended consequences of searching for stuff on Google.

And, last up before I start screaming for bananas, here are some cats assembling a Christmas tree. Kitties, it is much more fun to take down a tree, trust me.

OK, I did my post for the day. Now where is that human with my bananas?

Links of the Day: Crime Prevention

If you think like I do then not getting a few slices of banana a day is a crime, something worth squawking about. But, if we’re realistic, there are many real crimes out there so let’s take a look at some bloggers who’re helping others prevent becoming a victim of a crime.

Penlangisenja gives some good, common sense advice in the Yahoo 360 post: Crime Prevention – Your Role. The Sacramento Bee also has this excellent advice from a police officer: Crime wave elicits prevention strategies

It looks like the Mesa Arizona Wal-Mart doesn’t think much about crime prevention: Walmart snubs Mesa Az police shoplifting advise. Of course, those door greeters are so freakin’ annoying but I guess they don’t get too many bananas in their job so I guess they take it out on customers.

Harley Nash points out this kind of troublesome auto part theft: Catalytic Converter Thieves. Another reason why to avoid a large vehicle unless you need to haul a large bird around.

Well, if you want to keep criminal’s hands off your bananas you better check around and make sure you’re doing all you can do to prevent crime. Otherwise, you might be left with only orange pellets to eat.

Links of the Day: Celebrity Gossip

These days you can’t turn around on the Internet and not run into yet another wannabe gossip columinist. It can drive you bananas.

Here’s one, Jennifer Tant and Chris Cagle BOTH Jailed For Domestic Assault by someone just getting started out in the field. No splashy paparazzi photos, pretty dull and to the point.

Oops! I turned around and brushed my tail feathers up against another one, Masha Markova’s Mink Coat Stolen By Lindsay Lohan. Geez, you would think these guys go to the same stylist, wouldn’t you.

Of course, the big banana in the area of celeb gossip is TMZ.com. They got all the gossip you could want about the “30 Mile Zone” in LA although they sometimes forget about us in fly over country. Ha HA! I’m a bird and I said “fly over”! Look out below! Bombs away!

OK, I’m better now.

Check out these gossip columnist new and old and see what you think, orange pellets or bananas?

 

 

Links of the Day: Diet and Exercise

Today’s topic is diet and exercise. I keep a slim and trim body so that I can fly off, even with clipped wings. But, I know a lot of you humans are fat bodies like the guy who occasionally remembers to feed me so maybe some of these links can help you out.

If you want to get a good workout, check out what Chris is saying about Bosu Exercises For a Full Body Workout. That exercise will take care of those flabby sides.

Now, here’s somebody who is just plain wrong, wrong, wrong! Over at Fat Lady Singz she says Did you Know Bananas are BAD!!! Bananas are the best fruit ever! If you eat them with vanilla wafers or peanut butter that may be a bit much but by themselves they’re deeee-liiii-cious and good for you too!!!! YUM!!!!!

It looks like everybody’s favorite yo-yo dieter, Oprah, is going to go on yet another round of fad dieting called “Quantum Wellness“ and every housewife around the country will certainly  follow her: Oprah Goes on 21-Day Cleanse Diet. The food plan doesn’t sound too bad though. I could live on blueberries and walnuts. Blueberries make wonderful art when you fling them on the wall too. Try it sometime.

Last up, check out this article on MSNBC: 10 diet flubs — and how to fix them. Good advice if you don’t want to be a fat body with a computer gut like my ‘dad’. Check it out!

 

Links of the Day: Guitar

The guy who occasionally remembers to bring me food and water and maybe a banana or two thought I should squawk about guitars today. He likes to play guitar, badly I might add, while I sing along in my own unique and wonderful style. One of these days I’ll sink my beak into some nice mahogany, you just wait and see.

The first stop today is Desi Serna’s Guitar Music Theory Lessons site. Yeah, he’s selling his lesson plans but he’s got plenty of free stuff you can learn from too. Look up his videos on YouTube also.

Wall Street Fighter tells the tale of the most expensive guitar pick in the world, World’s Most Expensive Guitar Picks- $4,674. That would buy a lot of bananas.

Here’s an ugly Blogger site that has some info about Fender Short Scale Guitars. Good info, especially for a Blogger blog which are usually crap. It is an ugly site though.

Let’s wind this up with one of the best and oldest guitar sites around, Harmony Central. They’ve been around since 1996. Still kinda ugly but great music info.